sept 09-sept 10

Trying to write something, just for loosing some time.
Nowadays I'm feeling a bit sad, I don't know exactly what to do for the future. The PhD is an option, but I'm not sure I'm able to manage that kind of stress. I mean the way in which friends speaks about doing PhD here. They say you'll do the work (the job) of your professor during the day and eventually start you research in the night. They ever say relationships are very important and that you need to develop political abilities. Indeed, you could loose some opportunities in you can't do that, you cuold be isolated, marginalizated from your academic community.I don't think I'm so strong to do my own stuff without any support. The enviroment in which I work is very improant to me. I even don't know how start a research:every possible idea seems silly to me. It can't help but I'm gonna reading thousands of books. Should I focus myself on cinema or popular music? Shuold I take the Toefl? Phds in England? Maybe a starting point could be keep in touch with my professor, but what we have to say to each other? It seems to much like a pray: the poor student who asks for some advice to his mentors (mentors?) hoping for a "little help". Probably I would do that if I could be able. I feel quite tidy and I feel myself stupid when I try to act like a simphatetic guy or the student "in the know" (or whatelse). So what? I'm hungry.